We spent a delightful 10 days in Tonga, surviving all sorts of adventures. We've learned the meaning of a few words, some Tongan, some English:
Malo = thank you
Malo eleilei = Hello
Bye = hi
Remote = Far
Secluded = Effing far.
Yes my friends, when Tongans tell you the beach is remote and secluded, prepare yourself for a trek filled with high grass, horse poop, various mosquitoes, spiders as big as a ripe papaya, not to mention the heat. Gosh, the heat. I was reminded of a hot batch of muffins out of the oven, or the way eggs get that nice golden brown color as they fry. And the distance. 5 clicks is not much. 5 clicks in above mentioned conditions is another ball game altogether.
Tongans are really nice people, though. You have to give it to them, they will go out of their way to say hi (bye) to you, run after you to warn you when you're walking down the wrong road (say, the road to the local prison), and explain to you at length how it is not called stealing if you're leaving something in return there. Say, your shoes are old, you find another pair on the beach, it fits, great. You're allowed to take it and God will be ok with this if you leave your old pair there. Since I felt NZ customs would not let me back into the country with someone else's passport, I was still careful not to let mine be "exchanged". Otherwise, things went just swell.
We did some awesome diving in Tonga, awesome here being another word for "really effing expensive". It was worth the extra coconut though because that giant cave was absolutely fabulous. Pictures are on facebook, you'll pardon me for not posting them here (uploader is so slow it makes me itch). We saw the cutest little glow fish in the cave, some lobsters that could have fed a Tongan family of 6, and a couple of lost tunas. However, the volcanic rock formations were the most impressive, along with the fossilized corals. Surfacing inside the catedral was also extremely cool, with the waves crashing all around and the ceiling being just a few metres above.
We attended Church on a given Sunday to reassure our B&B host that we were not completely lost to a life full of sin and debauchery. The chants were strangely touching. All 15 people singing (screaming) and a 90+ year old priest a little drunk on kava giving a very scary sermon (I assume it was scary because of the look in his eyes), I watched in awe for a good 12 minutes before I gave up and took my blackberry out. I'm sure God does not mind my keeping my brain fit working on sudokus while one of his messengers speaks in a language I don't understand, after all. Plus, some Tongans were openly sleeping. It eased my (very slight) guilt.
We ate a typical Sunday feast consisting of 7-8 plates of various meats and fish. Root vegetables are also very popular, and you will not find a potato within miles. Pork is a delicacy, but let me tell you it was not the pork we have been used to, pink and juicy and lean. No, this was all fat and greasy and so tasty the dog loved it. I am not complaining, that was the best meal we had all week. Except for the tuna sashimi in Tongatapu. Hmmm...
All in all, Tonga is a great place to be to enjoy the local beat, but don't forget your cereal bars, clothes that cover shoulders and knees, bring your ugliest shoes and hope for the mosquito net. It will be your savior.
S xx
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